Geoff Garlock is a grown adult man who knows a LOT about heavy metal, but NOTHING about pop culture.
1. Wait she wasn’t a pop star already?
2. This is the singer Taylor Swift right? Do I not know who she is? Blonde? Squinty-eyed? Real annoying? Real famous pop star already? That’s her right? I mean I can picture her, but I don’t know if I know anything about her. Certainly not any of her songs. But I always thought they were pop songs.
3. Wait I got it… I know a song by her! I can’t believe it! That song “Since U Been Gone” right? With that riff that sounds like that Yeah Yeah Yeah’s song? That’s definitely a pop song and… wait. That wasn’t her? It was Clarkson something? Kelly Clarkson. Dammit.
4. She had some song called “Trouble” something? And someone made that video with all the goats bleating over her? Okay. I know that one. I mean… again. Sounds like every other pop song to me. Except for the goats of course. And yet… you’re trying to tell me she wasn’t a pop star already? Okay. Suuuuurrrreee. Then what was she?
5. Country? That was country music?
6. Really? You think that was country music? I mean… really?
7. Wait do I not know what country music is now? I’m not that out of touch. Am I?
8. No. No I’m not. Look I might not really know much about country either but… I know it when I hear it. Pretty sure she wasn’t country.
9. Wait what about that Kanye thing? He interrupted her at some MTV Music awards right? That’s what happened. I kind of remember that happening. On MTV? You know… the station known for not EVER playing country music. And yet. She won an award. And you still want to stick to this story that she “just became a pop singer”? Okay.
10. So I just looked her up on Wikipedia and apparently she was born and raised… in Pennsylvania. And we’re still sticking to this whole country star has become a pop star narrative? And I’m the crazy one? Okay. Fine. Look at that. What an amazing “transformation”! You know what? I give up.
Geoff Garlock is a writer in NYC who teaches sketch comedy at the UCB. You can sample his wares at UCB’s monthly show, “Night Late” or @GGarlock.