Fall is coming and when it comes, it’s gonna come hard. Are you ready? Do you want it? Do you want fall to come for you? Check out these pics and get yourself rock hard with some fall-play.

shutterstock_151501787Oooh, autumn – it sounds like a hot breath on a chilly neck.



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Oh, baby that oversized fall sweater, get it all over me. Yeah, drown me in that shit. You can’t even see my arms I’m so fuckin cozy.


shutterstock_221979997Uh-oh…you gonna sip it? You gonna sip some tea? You gonna sssssip it and burn your little tongue? You gonna burn little bumpies all over your tongue with that hot-ass tea?


shutterstock_161376473Oh FUHCK pick those little plump little red little tasty little applies. Are you a farmer? Are you my little farmer breathing fresh air and putting your apples in a basket?? Yeah stuff those little crispity apples in there, bitch.


shutterstock_219752551Sit on it. Sit all over that hay bushel, you bad little witch. Mmm I’m gonna stick my knife in that pumpkin so hard it’ll turn into a jack-o-lantern.

Buhhhhhhhhhhh fall TV. Watch it. Watch it. Ooo yeah watch it baby. You like it when everybody comes back from summer hiatus with new haircuts and fresh storylines? You like that?



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Woah. What you gonna do with all those floppy layers?? You gonna bundle ‘em? You gonna gather them around your body in a little bundle? Ooh don’t stop don’t stop BUNDLE.


Describe the weather. Do it. Whisper it in my ear. Oh yeah. Ungh yeah that’s right… it’s fuckin crisp.


shutterstock_254262829That scarf is so big baby. Ohhhh god the braided cable-knit. Oh it’s so big- stop stop stop it’s too big! Take it off, take it off!

It’s dark. We’re alone in a movie theater. All the bullshit summer blockbusters have gone. It’s just you, me, and a gritty period piece drama set in 1900s England. Mmm fuck.

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Burnt… orange… HolyfuckingshitI’mgonnabust.


shutterstock_284870282Ooh, where’d you get that yarn? That’s so much yarn. I wanna watch you knit that yarn into all kinda little knots and stitches and shit and turn it into a big wooly hat uuunnnnnnggggg.



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Shingles and stones?? You nasty, baby. You gonna get out of town and unplug for some peace and quiet? Ooh, you probly can’t even get service in there. Oh yes, you off the grid you off the grid you OFF THE GRID!!!


shutterstock_110849594Oh BABY that soup has so many vegetables in it, I don’t know if they’re all gonna fit. You gonna have to stuff all those vegetables in there real tight and then cook this soup down until the fiber in the vegetables breaks down into a liquid ohhhhhhhhhh GODDDD.



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Mmm yeah pumpkin spice gonna stick my dick in it.

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