Your twenties are special for so many different reasons: your ability to have semi-regular intercourse, your boundless drinking abilities, and not to mention your stellar bone density! But some of the most special moments come from another fundamental experience: living with a roommate! Together, you both face the daily challenges of life with youthful optimism and camaraderie, knowing that you’ve got each other to rely on when the going gets tough. Of course, it’s not all rosy when you’re cooped up with someone nearly every day of your life, so you need to be ready. Let Lucille Bluth show you how to handle any roommate with class:

You’re all moved in, and you and your new bestie are ready to take on the world!

So you set to planning your epic housewarming…

…but when clean up time rolls around, the cracks start to show when someone won’t do their part.

As time goes by, you start to get a clearer picture of your roomie’s daily habits, no filter…

…some of which don’t help anyone.

You want to see your roommate succeed, so you suck it up and get them a job with your father. He’s done it for your friends before, hopefully he won’t mind.

Things are going great until roomie dearest gets busted at the border with $60,000 of Dad’s cash and your Browning semi-automatic…

Now you’re freaking the fuck out at them about the bad recommendation to Dad, not to mention the pressure from the bikers. They needed that product last week!

But it’s cool, Dad and the boys have all of Shreveport in their pocket, just gotta wait for everything to cool down.


Of course, just as soon as you told your roommate not to talk on the goddamned phone, guess what happens?

Now the cops are at the door asking questions, but you’re well trained. Remember when everyone “thought” Dad blew up that Post Office? Nice try, pigs.

And what advice does your genius roommate have when Dad’s empire starts to crumble, your car gets firebombed, and everyone in town wants you dead? “We should totally rent our place out on Airbnb over Christmas!”

Maybe Dad’s right, maybe it’s time to take some executive action and end this nightmare…


It’s not fair, but, hey, your roommate screwed up, and god knows they’ll talk if anyone so much as smacks their little rat bottom the wrong way. They deserve whatever Dad and Clem have to do…

But just as everything is about to come crashing down, fate intervenes and that old drunk Judge Skurky’s truck veers off the road and right into that rocket propelled grenade!

Everything starts getting back to normal, the fight is over, and you pat yourself on the back for being the mature one yet again…

…and suddenly, you remember why you fell in love with this goofball in the first place.

Here’s to being young, hot, and single!

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