1. I’ll stop writing “2015” on checks.
2. I’ll stop writing “2014” on checks.
3. I’ll definitely stop writing “2017” on checks.
4. I’ll finally say “TGIF” as soon as the clock strikes midnight. I will do this every Friday for the rest of the year.
5. I’ll wash my 2015 dishes.
6. I will reuse those dishes as “2016” dishes, for the environment.
7. I’ll do my 2015 laundry.
8. I will set my 2014 laundry on fire.
9. I’ll cross out all the dates on my calendar and manually change them, to prove how committed to the year I am.
10. I’ll scream “January” if anyone asks me for the month for the next 31 days.
11. “February” if anyone asks me for next month.
12. I’ll say “Well! Election year!” if anyone asks me how I am.
13. I will stop chanting the couplet “All of my neighbors, come over here! This day is one more in a very odd year!” (until 2017)
14. I will wish the Y2K bug a happy sixteenth birthday.
15. In fact, I will wish anyone born sixteen years ago a happy sixteenth birthday.
16. Anyone born fifteen years ago? A happy fifteenth birthday.
17. I’ll reconsider my feud with the New Year’s baby, even though he knows what he did.
19. I will invent a new base so I can seem sexually experienced.
21. I will reach out to my old friends, even if I am banned from their nursing home.
22. I’ll memorize the Wikipedia page for 2016.
23. I will say something like, “I’ve been wearing this since 2015!” and point at the clothes I put on four hours ago and then laugh for ten minutes or until I am kicked out of wherever I am.
24. I’ll start preparing for the Leap Year by buying a bunker.
25. I’ll throw out all my shirts that say “Currently, it is 2015”.
26. I’ll order new shirts that say, “Currently, it is 2016”.
27.I will fill my prescription for 2016 medicine.
28. If the expiration date of my food says “December 31, 2015,” I will claim that I ate food from last year and fall very ill for three weeks, as a very funny bit.
29. I will start training for the Summer Olympics because if not now, when?
30. I will lose weight by untying those 2015 dumbbells from my ankles and wrists.
31. I will celebrate New Year’s every night for the first three months of 2016 to make my neighbors think they are going through some kind of “Groundhog Day” hell.
32. I’ll cook more!
Broti Gupta is a writer/student and wants more twitter followers because not a lot else is going on with her. Please humor her? @brotigupta.