Above all else, the decision to start a family must begin with the agreement that both parents will share every child-raising duty. Why, then, aren’t men allowed to lactate? It doesn’t add up! Here are all the reasons why men shouldn’t just be allowed to make milk for our babies, but should have to.
1. Let mom take a load off. Some people think it’s normal for my wife to work two jobs and drive me to karate and be the only one that can feed our baby, but honestly sometimes I feel a little bit guilty about it. If I was allowed to make milk for our baby, then Mom could focus on other important house stuff like yardwork.
2. Babies stronger than ever before. Like most men, my diet consists primarily of Muscle Milk and caffeinated beef jerky. If I was allowed to breastfeed, all that high-protein goodness would be passed right along to my baby! This would not only save precious time wasted puréeing caffeinated beef jerky for baby, but will make baby STRONG! Very strong indeed.
3. Save money on expensive baby formula. Did you know that baby formula can cost up to $500 a month if drunk daily? That’s $6000 a year- and it doesn’t even taste good! I even tried mixing powdered formula into my everyday soups and baked goods but nope, it still tastes like baby formula.
4. Anything that women can do men should be allowed to do to. Fair is fair! Can you name literally even one thing that men can do that women aren’t allowed to do? No, of course you can’t, there are literally even female mayors.
5. It’d just be plain neat. Every man loves to find new things to do with his body, be it drinking more alcohol than he ever has before or seeing how many Raisinets he can fit in his belly button. If was allowed to lactate, I would literally Snapchat everyone I know to show the fun new thing my body can do!
Men (and women): if you agree, write your state representatives and pray to whatever God you believe in and tell them that men need to start making milk TODAY.