America has done a pretty good job milking the release of 50 Shades of Grey for pun-based marketing and titling opportunities. But have we done a great job? Here are 10 pretty spectacular missed opportunities for 50 Shades of Grey pun titles.

50 Shades of Hay: A beginner’s trail ride package at Parson-Hackney stables in Mountainside, New Jersey. Fun for the whole family from your experience galloper to your hesitant walker!

50 Shades of Just Say ‘No Way’: A D.A.R.E. presentation by beloved D.A.R.E. Officer Dennis Canterella on the dangers of marajuana use and Adderal abuse.

50 Shades of Pray: The Catholic Church’s hip as hell new YouTube series intended to get millennials back in the pews.

50 Shades of Please Spay Me: A fun ASPCA-produced video on loop in veterinary offices across America that details why you should spay and neuter your pets.

50 Shades of Flay: The title of Bobby Flay’s new and unexpectedly (but delightfully) erotic autobiography.

50 Shades of Old Bay: A cool recipe series on the back of Old Bay containers. Old Bay in egg salad, what a fresh idea! 

50 Shades of It’s All Going to Be Okay: A self-help series for women and men (but mostly women) who are grieving the end of a long-term relationship.

 50 Shades of Mary Kay: A sexy 50-piece Mary Kay gift set, I mean, how did they not?

50 Shades of Can or May: A winky yet insightful Times magazine piece on the relevance of ‘proper’ grammar in an increasingly colloquial world.

50 Shades of Clay: An Etsy sale on $300 hand-crafted clay fruit bowls that you can’t wash, put things in or look at too intensely.

Jackie is a writer/actor based in NYC. She performs on Harold Night at the UCB and with her sketch team DR DJ. You can follow her on Twitter @ohhijackie.


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