A Gallup survey published yesterday revealed that 66% of Americans would prefer to be 69% of “something, anything, as long as it’s 69” if given the chance.

“Two out of three respondents agreed that once they learned the results of the survey, they were disappointed it wasn’t the famous sex number,” explained lead researcher Anita Jennings. “You see, 69 is a funny number because it’s when two people sit on each other’s faces and mutually pleasure genitals. So they wanted it to be 69%, regardless of whether it was ‘69% of adults have syphilis’, or ‘69% of Americans are unemployed’. They key factor was it being 69.”

When the researchers tried to persuade 3% of the survey participants to change their response, they initially refused, until they were shown how it would impact the results. “Oooooh, yes, of course I’ll change. 69″ they all said at once.

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