The best part of being in a relationship is having someone to sit with quietly while you’re both on your computers. Why let sex get in the way of that? For all you monogamous, 2+ year couples, here’s a list of sex positions most conducive to reaching for your phone (NSFW!).


7. Missionary
Eye contact is tough. When you find yourself wanting a break from human contact during sex, just reach over to the nightstand with your free arm. This classic position is great if your phone needs to charge.


6. Scissoring
Scissoring is perfect for couples who want to their faces as far away from each other as possible while having sex. This position allows for plenty of phone privacy. You could even pop on a pair of earbuds for a YouTube video!


5. Doggy Style
The recipient is at a disadvantage because the person having sex with them can see what they’re looking at on their phone. However, if you don’t care about privacy, Doggie Style is perfect.


4. The Desk Jockey
Why use your phone during sex when you could straightup BE on your computer? The Desk Jockey is the perfect solution for file transfers, unpacking .zip files, or other activities you just can’t do on your phone.


3. 69-ing
This one isn’t the easy, but it’s do-able for those who MUST 69. If you’re having trouble with a touch screen, ask your partner to use their penis as a stylus.


2. Butt-to-Butt
This one makes sex harder but being on your phone WAY easier.


1. Across The Room From Each Other, Isolated
This isn’t technically “sex,” but who wants that? Yes, there’s another naked human in the room, but there’s also SO much porn you could be watching on your phone instead.

I love having sex, but not as much as I love those little orange Instagram notifications.

Illustrations by Tim Bierbaum

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