Happy New Year!! The clock struck 12, you licked a stranger’s mouth, and now the silver-sequined mini-dress you bought last minute at Forever 21 is lying in tatters somewhere on a floor. That $13.98 price tag made it a one-wear-only situation, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find more creative uses for it! Check out these 7 ways to repurpose that beer-stained pile of glitter thread:

forever 21 new years dress- toilet paper
Toilet Paper
A torn Forever 21 dress is the perfect solution for those messy, morning-after beer shits. Save a tree by wiping your ass with discarded garbage clothing.

 

forever 21 new years dress- tourniquet
A Makeshift Tourniquet for When You Sliced Your Arm With a Beer Bottle Shard Last Night
Yesterday at 4am you crushed a glass bottle and didn’t feel it! But the blood on your sheets is proof it definitely DID happen. Use your old dress as a stopgap solution for the bleeding until you get to the hospital.

 

forever 21 new years dress- headband
Headband
Anything can be a headband if you put it on your head like a band. If there’s any elastic left in the dress’ built-in bra, strap it ‘round your noggin and BOOM! Cute gym accessory.

 


forever 21 new years dress- mop
Mop Cover
A human child painstakingly stitched this dress together, hunched over a sewing machine for hours, and you bought it for the purpose of being discarded it like tissue paper. But now it’s gross!

 

forever 21 new years dress- nest
Bird’s Nest
Donate this tattered mess to a barn swallow in need.

 

forever 21 new years dress- gloves
Gloves?
This dress’ crap fabric won’t keep you warm, but it will be easy to wrap around your hands.

 

forever 21 new years dress- burn it
Burn It.
Torch it. Burn every memory of that evening. You should be ashamed. Behaving like a goddamn animal. You’re a 31-year-old woman with a job in advertising, pull yourself together. Go drink some water you human-shaped bucket of inebriated slop.

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