Happy New Year!! The clock struck 12, you licked a stranger’s mouth, and now the silver-sequined mini-dress you bought last minute at Forever 21 is lying in tatters somewhere on a floor. That $13.98 price tag made it a one-wear-only situation, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find more creative uses for it! Check out these 7 ways to repurpose that beer-stained pile of glitter thread:
A Makeshift Tourniquet for When You Sliced Your Arm With a Beer Bottle Shard Last Night
Yesterday at 4am you crushed a glass bottle and didn’t feel it! But the blood on your sheets is proof it definitely DID happen. Use your old dress as a stopgap solution for the bleeding until you get to the hospital.
A human child painstakingly stitched this dress together, hunched over a sewing machine for hours, and you bought it for the purpose of being discarded it like tissue paper. But now it’s gross!
Torch it. Burn every memory of that evening. You should be ashamed. Behaving like a goddamn animal. You’re a 31-year-old woman with a job in advertising, pull yourself together. Go drink some water you human-shaped bucket of inebriated slop.