“I couldn’t skeep-bop-ba-stop” sighs Red Hot Chili Peppers frontman Anthony Kiedis, sitting cross-legged on a boogie board in the living room of his sprawling Los Angeles villa. “I was addicted to the shindig.”

The road to recovery for Kiedis is one he’s travelled before, this time leading him all the way to a headlining slot at this summer’s Lollapalooza festival in Chicago, IL. His harrowing journey is laid bare in a new memoir all about his years lost to shindig. What drags a successful rockstar to the depths of shindig addiction first place, though? Kiedis shrugs. “Go ask the dust for any answers. Come back strong with fifty belly dancers. Zip-zap-ba-dappie California.”

At his lowest, the shindig left the SoCal rocker feeling entirely without a partner- like his only friend was the city he lived in. “I’d get skibby-flipped on shindig and go looking for any little chica to suck Sir Psycho Sexy’s kiss.” He has trouble maintaining eye contact as he recalls his wild nights with wild women. “K-I-S-S-I-N-G, chicka chicka dee do me like a banshee.” He pauses, reflecting on his admission. “Like a banshee.”


Kiedis and Flea, living (and rocking) shindig-free.


Kiedis has fellow Chili Pepper Flea to thank for pulling him back from the bring of shindig oblivion. “He didn’t even have to say anything. One morning after a gnarly shindig binge, I woke to find him standing over me in bed, shirtless, slapping out the funkiest bass line I’d ever heard. It went ‘budda-bu-DANG, budda-bu-DANG-DONG, bippy-bipp-bong-budda.’ He was telling me to get help.”

Anthony has been shindig-free for two years now. “I know I’ve got so much left to gibby-skibby-give this world. I’m so excited to hit the road with the boys this summer, and I’m hella psyched to headline Lolla-lolly-poly-boda-da-holla-looza. What I’ve got, you’ve got to give it to your mama. What I’ve got you’ve got to give it to your papa. What I’ve got you’ve got to give it to your daughter. You do a little dance, and then you drink a little water.”

Kiedis takes a long sip of water. “Chop top? He says I’m gonna win big.”

Get Laughs in Your Inbox From Above Average!
We PROMISE to only send you funny stuff.