It’s that time of year when you and your boyf make a date to visit a local orchard and pick a cute bucket of apples. This isn’t just an autumnal harvest date, it is also an opportune time to demonstrate to your sweetie that you are extra fuckable this time of year. Let him know how tight your pussy is with these creative apple picking techniques that will have him begging for more:

1. The Reach and Contract
Do a full body keggle! Stretch your arms as far as you can reach into the tree, take an apple and quickly contract back up like a starfish that’s just been pinched. When he asks why you did that, just wink ;)

2. The Thigh Grab
Climb the tree and grab a juicy apple with your thighs. The apple should be placed directly into your thigh gap. Once you have hold of an apple, proclaim bodly, “Anything can fit between my legs! ANYTHING!” Bonus points if you roar like a savage and crush the apple like a nutcracker! Ummm, can someone say ‘boner alert’?

3. Keggle That Apple
Simply pick an apple from a tree and contract your vag-muscles. Be sure to make a really good “I’m doing keggles right now” face or it doesn’t count! Take a bite from the apple to treat yourself!


4. The Bend And Poon-Clasp
So many apples fall to the ground at the orchard, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t ripe for the picking! These ground-apples are also perfect for tightening your snatch and enticing your man. Bend over with your legs straightened, pick the apple with the least amount of bugs on it, and come back up vertebrae-by-vertebrae to a perfectly straight position. Your spine should be aligned so that you can feel the energy run straight down into your vagina. Close your eyes and whisper, “It is time.”

5. The Snatch Snatch
Squat down to the ground directly over an apple and clasp (preferably with the teeth that lurk in every woman’s vagina) the apple into your vagina like a reverse mama hen. Rise to the ground and stare your bae straight into the eyes. No need to say anything at all! He should be jumping your bones faster than you can take the apple out of your vagina.

Remember, you don’t need to bring a date to try these cute techniques. In fact, if you go to the orchard single, you’ll be attracting all kinds of potential fuckboys! It’ll be like a swarm of bees on an apple! LOL!

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