While Bernie Sanders finally offered his endorsement of Hillary Clinton this afternoon in New Hampshire, polls of smug 20-somethings everywhere show that the Vermont senator is the clear favorite to win the moral high ground, no matter his national standing.
“This is great news for us deeply principled Bernie voters whose largest concern this election is trumpeting our own self-righteousness” says graduate student Benjamin Karn, taking a sip of water from his reusable water bottle. “Even though Bernie’s didnt’t cinch the Democratic nomination, he’s already given me and my like-minded friends the gift of moral superiority.”
“That’s something you can’t buy, unlike, say, a certain female Democratic candidate” Karn added, casting needlessly snarky aspersion at the candidate Sanders has now endorsed.
The moral high ground is a highly contested territory in every election cycle, but by employing a diverse strategy of pandering idealism and baselessly idyllic speculation, it looks as if the 74-year-old Sanders will effortlessly claim the hearts of well-intentioned white voters incapable of recognizing their own ideological obstinance.
“It’s not enough that I’m right” says Karn, whose favorite activities include speaking for minorities in the comments of his friends’ Facebook posts. “Everyone else has to know they’re wrong. There’s nothing more American than rubbing your opinion in the faces of those who don’t see eye-to-eye with you.”
A nation, for now, agrees.