Today started off sweet enough. I waked and baked, skipped my Econ class, and then my mom deposited $1000 into my account. But then of course—because the establishment can’t let me have just one good day—I go on Twitter, only to discover that the voter registration deadline in California was on Monday.

Are you KIDDING me? There are so many unfair things about this, I don’t even know where start, but I’ll try.

First off, it wasn’t on the syllabus. How do they expect us to register if they won’t even tell us when to do it? The Democratic party was aware of this date for months—probably years—yet here I am, hearing about it for the first time only after it’s too late. It’s like they want me to fail. Go figure.


If the DNC actually cares about us voting, they’ll give us an extension. It shouldn’t matter when you register to vote; it should only matter that you’ve learned to register to vote. Other than the election, there’s no real-world situation where someone is gonna ask you, “Hey, what’s the exact date to register to vote in California?” It’s totally arcane and useless. Besides, by the time the next election happens, the current rules won’t apply anymore because the people will rise up.

Instead of wasting my intellect on the rote memorization dates and numbers (honestly, do they want me to do my multiplication tables while I’m at it?), I should be applying my knowledge to things that actually matter, like campaign finance and income inequality. You know, the humanities and not math. And no, I won’t give you specifics on that because last I checked, there wasn’t a pop quiz today. Or was that conveniently left out of the syllabus too?

The only reasonable solution would be to let us register until midnight the night before the convention. Give me one good reason—other than a lack of moral imagination—that we can’t do that. Also, we should be able to do it over email. The last thing we need is more paper to continue killing the environment. Frack much?

Plus, I’m not exactly sure where I’m supposed to go to register either.

Get Laughs in Your Inbox From Above Average!
We PROMISE to only send you funny stuff.