Get ready world. Beyonce’s about to do it again, for the first time.
This week the singer-actress-producer-mogul will add another hyphenate to her already lengthy list of titles: person who farts.
“Never in my life have I farted,” Beyonce stated via her website. “Look at me. I’m Beyonce. I’m perfect. You think I got to where I am by farting like some Costco-shopping peasant? No way. I practice the ancient art of holdoni – it’s what Sting does for sex, except I do it for farts. After 34 years of fart suppression, I’m ready to show the world what my ass can really do.”
The statement goes on to explain that, while she still feels the act of farting is beneath her, Beyonce wants young fans without access to a private holdoni master to understand that, for them, farting is okay.
“I want all people to understand that while I would normally never fart, it’s ok for them to fart. They are just… people. And I am Beyonce. I am more than ‘people’.”
The project is shrouded in secrecy but it’s said that the fart is being produced by a bean-heavy vegan diet and Pharrell. Exactly where the fart will occur is a mystery but many speculate it will either be on Richard Branson’s weird island while The Pope, the Dalai Lama and an important rabbi all watch in respectful silence.
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