Since 2013, American Pop Star Lady Gaga has been held prisoner by Tony Bennett, somewhere deep in the California wilderness. Initially at his hidden compound voluntarily to discuss a duet, Lady Gaga soon found herself trapped, unable to contribute to popular music and remain a star on the Top 40 charts. Mr. Bennett, who is still at large, kept Ms. Gaga in a recording booth and required her to sing old jazz standards for Bennett’s amusement, traumatizing her and her audience alike.

“He even forced me to release albums, perform at awards shows and go on national tours,” Gaga said from a safe location back in normal society. “Who in 2016 is listening to jazz standards — let alone recording new versions??”

Gaga is releasing a new album in honor of her escape, giving longtime fans something to listen to that is enjoyable. “I’m sorry for what I did over the past few years, but I just had to survive.”

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