By now you’ve probably heard that I cancelled my concert in Greensboro, North Carolina because of a new law that discriminates against LGBTQ folks. I’m not the only one to speak out — hundreds of corporate executives have protested, not to mention organizations like the ACLU and private citizens. But the state government is sticking by their law. So now I’m asking: How am I, a Jersey Shore bro, more woke than the state of North Carolina?
I’m the king of the Jersey Shore. The JERSEY SHORE. Our mascot is the bird on the WaWa logo. The Miss America Pageant is by far the most tasteful event that happens here. The Jersey Shore made Pauly D and Chris Christie stars. And somehow me, a born and bred Jersey Shore guy, has enough common sense to know that it doesn’t matter what toilet you pee in — we’re all just people looking for a place to shit. Maybe it’s because us Jersey Shore folk treat the Atlantic Ocean like our communal toilet, I don’t know. I really don’t get how a dude who writes songs about the working class, driving motorcycles, and the Boardwalk is more woke than the state government of North Carolina.
If anyone can crack this nut, let me know. I’m going to be down Asbury Park working on my new album “Free to Pee” debuting at The Stone Pony later this year.