Hey there, brother. My spirit shepherd Crow said you’ve got the good stuff. And believe me, I am looking to hop aboard that yellow submarine. But I hope you don’t mind me asking, is this LSD sustainably farmed?

You see, I care about the earth. As do you, I’m sure! That’s why we’ve gathered here in Black Rock City, I think. I don’t quite remember, actually. But I DO remember that my chakras coach Napkin said to only take LSD that’s been sustainably farmed, preferably by fairly paid workers of legal age in Sri Lanka or Thailand.

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Also, before I take this, I have to ask: is this acid gluten free? I don’t have an allergy or anything, but my gluten dojo Anus (it’s pronounced Ah-NOOS) says that the compounds in LSD activate gluten’s most harmful elements, making you more susceptible to the risk of losing sight of what’s really important, you know?

But as long as this LSD is sustainably farmed, fair trade, gluten free, soy, free range, cruelty free, organic, non-GMO, quinoa, spelt, flax, naked, hemp, free radicals, from the sky, from the earth, from within, kombucha, wheatgrass, non-corporate, locally sourced, libertarian, Jill Stein, climate neutral, carbon neutral, composted, LEED-certified, and really, really fucking strong, then we’re cool, man. How much I owe ya?

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