In lieu of the recent resignations from Gawker of their executive editor and editor in chief, I, the editor of Buzzfeed, am also very concerned with being taken seriously as a journalist. Thus, I am resigning from Buzzfeed and here’s why:
1. When people are like, “Don’t you guys just do lists and quizzes?”
I went to Columbia Journalism school, actually. And now I do this. So this is the new journalism.
2. You make six figures and work thirty five hours a week at a major multimedia company but you’re still like:
Uh, dude where’s my 100% 401K match???
3. Someone asks you if you read a New York Times article and you go:
I can’t get no respect!
4. You keep calling yourself a “reporter” but everyone’s like:
Journalism is an evolving discipline whose relevance depends on the media through which it is disseminated, many of which increasingly favor immediacy!!
5. But when the stupid old New York Times links to a Buzzfeed article you’re like:
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta!
6. Suddenly your managing partners are like, “You can’t publish another list about pets from 90s TV shows you already have five.” And you’re like:
I am a journalist. I do not answer to suits. I only answer to writers. Writers of lists of pets from 90s TV shows.
7. Your parents are like “I think you’re maybe fighting for something silly. Does anyone need another list about Comet and Marcel? We’re worried about you.” and your brain does this:
Those of us who see through the illusions of everyday life must do our best to guide the rest of the world in its slow un-blinding.
8. Your girlfriend says, “You’re walking away from this huge job because your bosses wouldn’t let you publish another dumb list of 90s GIFs?” And you’re just like:
If not now, then when? If not me, then who? All we have is what we stand for.
9. Then everyone at work is acting like you’re crazy:
And then there was one.
10. So you decide to explain it ALL:
“I cannot work in an environment where I feel that truth, in this case the truth about cats and dogs on various 90s TV shows, is being stifled. I am the Woodward and Bernstein of the internet!” – is the speech you make to your staff after two Brooklyn Lagers.
11. Ironically, you feel like your job is finally being taken seriously:
Now who’s an “overpaid babysitter of children who recycle nostalgia into distractions and pass it off as content”??
12. That magical moment when you grab your laptop, walk out and free yourself from hypocrisy:
The revolution will not be televised. It will be on the internet, most likely as a GIF, but possibly, as a Snapchat or a meme.