It’s America’s favorite game: Which Celebrities Are Currently in Jail? You know the rules: you guess a person that is both a celebrity and CURRENTLY serving prison or jail time for crimes sentenced. How many can YOU name?

 

Teresa & Joe Giudice?  NO! Seems like a gimme, but though they have been sentenced for fraud, their incarceration has not yet started. No point!

Lil Wayne?  NO! He has been in jail, but he is not in jail now. No point!

T.I.?  NO! He also served his time, so now he is just a celebrity, not currently in jail.

Ja Rule? NO! Wait, we’re you thinking of DMX? Also NO! Also this line of hip-hop guesses is making me uncomfortable. Branch out!

Martha Stewart? NO! Come on, she was out like ten years ago. Lazy.

Lindsay Lohan? NO! Seems like she’s doing well again, good for her!

Mark Wahlberg? NO! Wait, Mark Wahlberg went to jail? Really? That sounds kinda familiar. You sure? In the 80s? Well there’s your answer, not currently in jail. Good to know though.

Khalid Shaikh Mohammed? NO! Al Qaeda second-in-command is impressive, but does not make him a celebrity! (Gitmo does count in the jail category though.)

American Taliban Guy? YES! There’s a celebrity who’s in jail! We all know who that guy is, and he’s definitely in jail somewhere. Good work!

Rod Blagojevich? NO! Politicians are also non-celebrities (unless you live in DC in which case, fine).

Dick Cheney? NO! I mean, chill out there, Michael Moore.


The Zodiac Killer? NO! He’s only famous because of how crazy his crimes were. Let’s not incentivize that behavior with our fun game. NOT a celebrity. Also he was never caught? Isn’t that insane? He killed so many people. Anyway.

Wesley Snipes? NO! He’s out. He served three years for tax evasion though. That’s a lot, right? I mean, for taxes? It’s a lot.

Michelle Rodriguez? NO! She’s dating Zac Efron now. Prisoners don’t date Zac Efron.

Mel Gibson? NO! There was a DUI thing, but he didn’t see jail time. I think a DUI’s way worse than tax evasion though. That’s me talking. Look we don’t have time to argue about uneven prosecution here, but the point stands: this one is a no.

Kiefer Sutherland? NO! He did see jail time for a couple DUIs, but that was a while back. Did you ever see the clip of him jumping into some Christmas trees?  Off topic, but look it up after the game’s done.

Taylor Schilling? NO! I get it, but are you even kidding me right now?

O.J. Simpson? YES! Wait what? No, that can’t be right, I distinctly remember– Oh yeah, he stole a bunch of sports memorabilia a few years ago. Guess my ol’ memorabilia’s not working too well hahaha, but yeah he’s in serious prison.

Ray Rice? NO? I mean, he should be? Right? But no, not currently in jail. I bet Wesley Snipes sees that and is like, “WHAT?”

Wait… Phil Spector? YES! Yeah! That dude’s in jail! And he’s definitely a celebrity! I mean, yeah, nice pull!  Good job!

And that’s it for this round of Which Celebrities Are Currently in Jail? Just the American Taliban Guy, OJ, and Phil Spector at the moment. Good work celebs! Keep fighting those DUIs and pointedly asking law enforcement if they know who you are — seems like it works!

So until the next time a celebrity falls from grace OR returns to society fully rehabilitated, remember the Which Celebrities Are Currently in Jail? slogan: “I thought there’d be a Wikipedia page for this but there’s not.”

Eric Cunningham is a writer in New York City, you can check him out at the UCB’s monthly show, “Night Late” or at @EricCunningham.

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