Charter Communications recently announced their intentions to purchase media conglomerate Time Warner Cable. Moving forward, Charter has been asked to schedule a 4-hour window with Time Warner to continue the billion-dollar merger.

If approved, this merger will be one of the largest media purchases in history. “We had a preliminary meeting with Time Warner before this, but they had left stuff they needed back at headquarters and said they would have to come back again.” Says Charter CEO Tom Rutledge. “Which is fine, but now I have to take another day off work to buy Time Warner. All the Saturday appointments were booked.”

With a combined almost 18 million subscribers, Charter and Time Warner have been speaking, mostly over the phone, about how to improve the company’s notoriously terrible customer service. Sources provided a transcript of one such calls:


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Charter Communications will try owning Time Warner for a month before eventually purchasing it for an estimated $55 billion.

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