The first presidential debate of 2016 featured more than its fair share of contentious disagreements. However, observers were sure to note the one detail in the 90-minute debate upon which both candidates fervently agreed: New York’s LaGuardia Airport is a total shithole.


These people are in hell right now.

“Have you seen this place? It’s a disaster,” said Donald Trump, as Hillary Clinton registered noticeable surprise when she found herself nodding along. “The gates don’t have enough chairs or outlets, the TSA agents were far too rough with my groin, and the Jamba Juice I went to had run out of peaches. It’s a third-world country over there.”

Moderator Lester Holt then gave Mrs. Clinton 30-seconds for rebuttal, but was surprised when the Democratic nominee simply said, “No, I have nothing else to add. That was really well-said by my opponent. What a trash fire that place is.”


Both of these women hate their lives so hard.


As the debate moved on to discuss important issues including ISIS, race relations, and the economy, the candidates’ answers always somehow came back to discussions of the terrible travel hub in Queens, NY.

“Yeah, Lester, job creation, yadda yadda, we need to get back to the real issues,” Clinton said. “I mean the taxi line is like two miles from baggage claim. It’s a hellish nightmare.”


Who designed this? A drunk 6-year old?

Fact-checkers confirmed after the debate that neither candidate had spent any time in a commercial airport in over two decades.

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