After seeing the August cover of GQ magazine, which features Amy Schumer dressed as Princess Leia from Return of the Jedi, a character who has never been viewed sexually, Disney and LucasFilms have said that they do not “condone the inappropriate use of our characters in this way.” In the cover photo, Schumer is sucking on one of the fingers of the genital-free robot C3P0, suddenly sexualizing the woman who most people have only ever thought of as Luke’s sister.

“Princess Leia was never supposed to be an object of sexual desire, she was a space girl dressed in a bikini for space reasons: because it’s hot in space,” said a rep from Disney. “This GQ cover is pulling this out of nowhere, implying that fans of Star Wars think of Princess Leia in a slave costume as sexy, which is insane.”

“In Return of the Jedi, Princess Leia is crawling around in metal underwear, locked in chains with steam rising all around her- it never occured to me to link that image to some kind of sexual fantasy,” said Josh Sanch, a long time fan of the Star Wars trilogy.  “Now that Amy Schumer dressed up like Princess Leia and put a droid’s finger in her mouth, my dick is rock hard.”

For the first time ever, people everywhere who had considered Princess Leia to be “Han Solo’s friend,” or “just one of the guys,” and “a solid character whose purpose is to move the plot along,” have started thinking of her as something more.

“Jerking off to Princess Leia? Hmm…I’ve really never thought about it,” said David Ellin, right before he was shown the Schumer photo.  Once he saw the hyper-sexualized, nearly profane magazine cover: “Wow. Now all I’m thinking about is the sound that metal bikini makes clanging around during sex. This Amy Schumer photo has given me a whole new masturbation option.”

“This is not what was intended when the Star Wars trilogy was written,” said a spokesman for Lucas Films. “If we’d wanted Princess Leia to be a sexy character then we would’ve written it that way, by, oh, I dunno…making her so hot that even her own brother was attracted to her before he knew he was her brother.”

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