After Donald Trump was declared the nominee for the Republican Party, the Trump campaigned put forth their best efforts to make their sentient hairpiece seem like a strong leader. Displaying his characteristically calming personality, Donald Trump assured the nation that, “it’s time we come together as a nation to destroy the nation.”

“Nothing brings a country together like uniting against a single enemy, ourselves. It worked during the Civil War. You know how many Americans died bravely for America? Most of them,” Trump screamed standing too close to his microphone. “I wont be satisfied until the streets are paved with the blood”


When pressed for comment, Corey Lewandowski, who is in no way affiliated with the Trump campaign despite still receiving money from the Trump Campaign, urged, “Chaos is what the nation wants. Why else would someone with so few qualifications and a serial history of receipt, fraud, and sexism make it this far in the presidential election? Because chaos is what chaos wants.”

No word yet on exactly how the nation will destroy itself. Many have speculated a fiery glory of drones but Trump has shared no specific plan as per usual. Trump was last seen donning a new hat which read, “Make America Burn Again”.

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