With his father “all but assured of becoming our first real president,” Donald Trump Jr. has begun the process of forcing every member of the White House press corps refer to him exclusively as “the First Boy.”

The 38-year old discovered his new title after watching the 1996 Sinbad comedy First Kid, and grew so excited almost spilled his juice box all over those nice khakis he literally just got.


“There’s a First Lady, and a First Dog, and a First Airplane, and a first everything! I’ll be the best First Boy there ever was, right dad?” said Trump Jr. to presidential candidate Donald Trump, who nodded.

Longtime WHPC member Kristen Welker of NBC reports that she will continue to call him Donald, Mr. Trump, or Mr. Trump Jr., depending on the circumstance. News of her refusal led to Trump Jr.’s third outburst of the day. Campaign manager Kellyanne Conway then made the excruciating decision to put the First Boy into time-out for 10 minutes, with no phones or anything.

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