Rumors have been swirling around Washington that an impeachment of President Trump, catalyzed mostly by the ongoing Russian scandal, may be on the horizon—and though the rumors are nowhere near founded, Eric Trump has been gearing up to take over for his dad because of the gossip.
“As you are all well-aware, once the president of these United States is impeached or killed, his firstborn son takes the throne,” said Eric, realizing some flaws in his logic as he spoke to a group of 8th graders visiting DC on a class trip. “…which is my older brother…but since his name is already Donald Trump, it would confuse too many people. So I will be President. Next question?”
Eric wasted no time decorating his new office, hanging several “Minions” posters around the Oval Office and replacing the Resolute desk with a giant piano reminiscent of that found in FAO Schwartz, Eric’s third-favorite toy store.
“Now all I have to do is sit back and wait for that picture of dad with the tortoise to surface,” said Eric, kicking back in a bean bag chair designed to look like a Sumo wrestler. “If that doesn’t get him out of here, I guess I’ll just be a prince forever.”