Amid many controversies both foreign and domestic concerning President Trump and the GOP, Eric Trump decided to put off telling his father about his long-held disinterest in golfing until everything settles down.

“What was that thing you needed to talk about, Eric?” sighed the President, visibly aggravated while tucking Eric into bed. “If it’s the thing about being afraid of owls again, I don’t have anything left to say.”

Eric, sensing his father’s irritation and general bad mood, decided not to make matters worse by telling him that the one thing he and his father bond over, golf, is one of the banes of his existence.

“Uh…I just wanted to say, that um…I ate a lot of fruit today,” said Eric, proud of himself for coming up with such a believable fib under pressure. “I ate a lot of fruit and I wanted to tell you about it.”


“I ate so many apples and also grapes.”

“You wanted to tell me that you ate a lot of fruit today when you asked if we could talk earlier?” asked the President, feigning amusement in his son’s quirkiness. “You’re a real hoot, sometimes. Oops, sorry about the hoot thing.”

Trump then proceeded to make sure Eric was wearing his night-diaper, and put on Eric’s favorite CD, Facts About The Ocean, so he could fall asleep.

“If you need anything else, Uncle Pencey is available 24/7 on Skype”, said the President, itching to get back to his Twitter profile. “Now get to bed, Eric. We’re playing 18 with Sergei Lavrov and Kid Rock bright and early.”

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