Hi, I’m the mom who was riding the B67 bus today. You might remember me, I had canyon-sized bags under my eyes, a decade’s worth of Trader Joe’s groceries and a whining two year-old next to me. You were an off-brand Kylie Jenner riding the bus with your irritating, vocally fried companion. At some point during the ride, I could hear you pointedly look at my child, roll your eyes and mouth ‘Birth control’ to your intolerable friend. And let me say: I’m glad.

I’m so glad my toddler can serve a function in your life. When he woke up today, blue eyes full of sleep and heart full of joy, I’m sure he thought to himself “I hope my behavior can help an anonymous 20-something brat decide she doesn’t ever want children. Maybe she’ll even write a Refinery29 article about me!”


Make sure you’re also on real birth control. For all of us.

Yeah, it’s always nice to know that the thing you love most in the world is someone else’s nightmare. I’m glad you chose to say as much right in front of me — see I’m never annoyed or embarrassed by the way my child acts. I love when he screams, cries and announces to a bus fell of people that he ‘did a bad doody’. All of those things are fun for me. It brings me down to earth to know that you and you alone hate it.

Since you’ve done me such a service, let me do one for you. You, you judgmental beast, are sort of my birth control. You see, this child was conceived consciously, a product of the love between two people who wanted to create a family. Sometimes my partner and I fall asleep talking to one another about all the things we hope for him, all the things we fear.

Then I see people like you and think: Oh, God, he might grow up to be a total piece of shit. We better not have any more. Let’s just focus on this one and make sure he doesn’t become a useless little turd who rides the bus and makes fun of worn-out, working moms and their children.

So, I’m glad we could help each other today. I was your birth control and were mine. Also, thank you for not helping me with the stroller when I got off the bus. You’re right, it’s ‘not your responsibility.’ I too believe this world is a little better every time we actively refuse to help our fellow man.

Images via Shutterstock

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