Last week, OKCupid announced in a blog post that it had conducted a number of secret experiments on its members. An executive at the dating site admitted that the site had purposefully matched members that weren’t compatible; blocked out the profile photos of members for one day;  and hid text in members’ profiles, all to see how it would affect the meet-and-greet process online.

Here are the other experiments that OKCupid ran that they don’t want you to know about:

–  Replaced the entire site with AmishMingle for a week

– Experimented with flashing, unmissable “THIS USER LIKES PITBULL” stickers on profiles of users who are balding or mention the word, “worldwide”

– Matched people based solely on the results of BuzzFeed’s “Which Sister, Sister Character Are You, Really?” quiz

–  Didn’t show you any of the hot girls. Like, none of ‘em, man.

– Installed feature that revealed your true and horrible personality despite the dissemination and outright lying you did in your profile description to hide it

– Permanently deleted the account of anyone who tried to access OKCupid on a Windows Phone

– Replaced “You should message me if…” with “I’m a Satanist because…”

– Imposed mandatory seven drink minimum for any members logging in after 1AM on a Friday

– Temporarily banned all members who claimed they lived in Manhattan when they really lived in like Hoboken or Newark, I mean Jesus Christ, don’t put down New York if you’re actually in New Jersey

– Ayn Rand Warning Feature sends you a push notification whenever service detects that a match is about to make his first Ayn Rand reference

– Did not deliver messages from any men whose first message was just the word “sup”

– Actually found you a suitable life partner for once

Jason O. Gilbert is a writer whose work has appeared in the New York Times, Slate, McSweeney’s, and many other fine publications. You can follow him on Twitter here. 

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