The buzz for this year’s Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame may have begun with N.W.A, Steve Miller Band, Chicago, Cheap Trick and Deep Purple being inducted, but the real news came from the long awaited acknowledgement of A Bag Of Cocaine, who some consider to be one of the founding influences of the genre, as the board finally agreed to induct the drug into its hallowed halls.
The decision came down from Rock and Roll CEO Greg Harris, who was quoted as saying, “It’s time we stop pretending like we don’t owe this bag of cocaine anything more that the $200 we paid for it.” Harris, who for a long time denied this bag of cocaine entrance into the hall of fame, citing that it “wasn’t that big of a deal” and “they could stop anytime they want to,” addressed his past criticisms with this statement: “Have you ever even listened to Guns N’ Roses? Can any of us truthfully say this bag of cocaine had no part in any of that? Fleetwood Mac made Tusk everyone. Let’s not forget where we come from.”
However, criticism on this decision has somehow come out of the woodwork, with many conservative parents now unable to accept that a bag of cocaine was anything more than a prop for the music of their generation. “The Rolling Stones? If those guys were anything but sober, I’ll eat my pleated khaki’s,” comments Paul Phillips, a former renegade and current representative of H&R Block. “Cocaine is like a piñata. Sure, it may have been at the party, but does it make the party? I don’t think so. Not unless that piñata is full of cocaine.”
When asked to comment, other rock and roll legends maintained a still silence before erupting in a long fit of laughter, looking to each other, regaining composure, and then calmly passing by us to quietly take their seats.
And while the induction ceremony kept the energy alive, it wasn’t until this bag of cocaine was called to the stage that the room truly felt the buzz of the night. A pantheon of legends came up to personally thank the bag of cocaine for all the work it’s done for the music industry as a whole. The bag of cocaine, stoic as always, declined to comment, preferring to let its work speak for it. Truly, a hero to artists everywhere.