While he has lived in a modest abode for years, former New York mayor Rudy Giuliani has finally made the decision to add on to his glass house. The announcement comes after an interview in which Giuliani claimed that Hillary Clinton was “too stupid” to be president because of her decision to stay with her husband after his affair with Monica Lewinsky.
Giuliani gave a walk through of his new digs to an HGTV camera crew, proudly showing off the gleaming glass walls and floors. In fact, the only thing that wasn’t glass was the ceiling. “Who’s ever heard of a glass ceiling?” he explained.
“Things were getting cramped,” continued the man who married his second cousin, then began dating Donna Hanover before his divorce was finalized, and then had an extramarital affair with Judith Nathan. “I needed more space for my raging, egomaniacal hypocrisy.”
Giuliani suddenly paused in front of a bowl filled with stones, eyes wide. “I shouldn’t,” he whispered under his breath, “yet I must!” A crazed Giuliani then grabbed a stone and whipped it at the wall, shattering the glass.
As the increasingly mentally unstable Giuliani gradually composed himself, he stated, apropos of nothing, “Hillary is unfit to be president. Who could stand by such an irresponsible, unfaithful, arrogant man?”