Tragedy has struck the new really, really, really, really, really for real, 100% real for really real real true true real real real in love not for publicity at all but for real love and feelings and real love this is real REAL real couple Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton. The pair were scuba diving in Malibu and drowned almost immediately after not being able to shut up about how real their love and relationship really really are.
“It was terrible,” said eyewitness Samantha Splood. “Not them drowning, just listening to them talk incessantly about their relationship. At one point Blake was just screaming at a seagull, ‘GWEN HAS REALLY INFLUENCED MY RED CARPET STYLE!’ It was harrowing.”
After badgering strangers and inanimate objects about their love, the two entered the Pacific with scuba gear on their backs. “I thought it was odd,” Ms. Splood explained, “they went into the water with full scuba gear but still flapping their gums about how many duets they were going to write and whether their couple name should be ‘Blen’ or ‘Glake’.”
Onlookers watched in horror as the pair sucked in mouthful after mouthful of water, unable to stop talking about their relationship even in the face of certain death. “It was the worst,” Splood continued, “just hearing them talk about their new found happiness even as they were obviously killing themselves.”
In wake of this tragedy, Fox released this statement:
“Uhhhh WE HEARD ADAM AND PHARELL ARE TOGETHER WHOOOA WATCH THE VOICE PLEASE!”