There is no year-end tradition more cherished than watching television advertisements with our families. Swaddled in our Snuggies beneath the glow of our 64-1/2″ curved screen LED TV, we love revisiting all of our old friends: the nervous Hershey’s Kiss who nails his big solo; Scrooge having his heart warmed by a bowl of Honey-Nut Cheerios. These are stories and values we are proud to share with those we love.
Imagine my disgust then, when during a commercial break I see a commercial wishing “Happy Honda Days” to one and all. “Happy Honda Days?” Please. The culture war on Chryslermas has gone too far.
I am an American, and I deeply value our personal freedoms whether you drive a Dodge, Jeep, Ram, or any other number of traditional Chrysler automobiles. It’s all well and good if you choose to celebrate Hyundaikkah or Kiawanzaa, but once again the liberals have failed to understand that the promotion of other (predominately Korean) auto values comes at the expense of Chrysler and those who cherish that brand.
Chrysler is the one true automotive company, and Chryslermas the one true year-end car sale.
Why is my son’s elementary school chorus forced to sing songs celebrating Lexus’ December to Remember Sales Event? After being ejected from the concert for loudly protesting their song choices, I spent an hour walking through the parking lot and found only two Lexus parked outside, probably belonging to one of those millionaire public school teachers. Do they think they’re better than me and my Chrysler Town and Country? Sorry teachers, some of us have to pursue luxury on a budget.
The simple truth is that our country was founded on Chryslian values: standard leather trim seats, 0% interest for 75 months, and up to $1500 bonus cash on select models. Sure, in the past decade U.S. taxpayers may have paid off Chrysler’s private debts to the tune of $1.3 billion dollars, but then Chrysler did that Super Bowl ad with the Eminem song so it’s all good.
As the year draws to a close and the media’s P.C. thugs take aim on the traditions we hold dear, we should keep in mind that Chrysler ad with the Eminem song. It was all about Detroit, a city that- in its own way- died for the sins of man, only to be resurrected. It’s a story not unlike that of another certain figure we should keep in our hearts every holiday season: the Energizer Bunny. Merry Chryslermas!