Yes, if you only read social media posts and uninformed internet articles, Fyre Festival was an unmitigated disaster. However, if you really take a closer look, some folks actually had a great time at the immersive luxury music festival experience.

Let’s hear their side of the story.

1. Ja Rule’s lawyer

“I really hadn’t been doing to much with Ja, as he’s put out one album in the last 13 years. But since Fyre Festival? I’ve billed more hours in a week than I had since 2004! Cha-ching!! I hope he launches a new festival every year.”

2. The worst cheese distributor in the Bahamas

“No one ever buys my cheese because it is so processed and gross-looking. I was about to fold up shop and go back to law school. And then Fyre Festival orders 600,000 individual slices of my disgusting cheese! Thanks Ja Rule!”

3. A gnat

“Bzz bzzzzzz bzzzzzzzz bzzz.”
(Loosely translates to “Nothing tastes better than the blood of young rich people who are currently experiencing fear for the first time. It’s basically our version of veal.”)

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4. Anarchist who just wants to see the world burn

“BEST. FESTIVAL. EVER.”

5. Blink-182

“LOL, we backed out of that dumpster fire like a week before it started. So we just hung out at Mark [Hoppus]’s house and watched movies and ordered barbecue food. It was awesome. So yeah, technically, we had a great f***ing time during the Fyre Festival. We just weren’t there.”

6. Banksy

“This festival is a beautiful and savage artistic metaphor for how we are all equal when stripped of our inherited advantages. I can only assume the performance artist behind this stunning installment is a truly brilliant font of creativity. Or maybe it was just a shitshow.”

7. Josh (random guy)

“I got my ticket in a raffle at work. Thought it’d be cool. Didn’t have much in the way of expectations. But yeah, watching rich people freak out because their luggage was being handled roughly or they were slightly dehydrated? Oh, it was like chicken soup for my middle-class soul. Best weekend of my life.”

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