Last night, Hillary Clinton accepted the Democratic nomination for president. It was a historic moment — one that was followed by half a glass of chardonnay, time with her family, and hours spent reordering her “Arya Stark”-style enemies list. The one she recites every night before getting a crisp three hours of sleep.

Some of the major changes included Bill dropping down the list after last night’s heartfelt speech, and even though he’s remaining in the top ten, it’s far from the #1 spot he occupied throughout the late 90s. The Obamas, both Michelle and Barack, also dropped into the teens with their unwavering support as of late. Bernie Sanders who had been hovering around third or fourth, actually moved up to second, in front of Trey Gowdy, head of the Benghazi committee, after Bernie’s inability to control his most diehard supporters.


Occupying the number one spot is, and will likely forever be, the pigeon that shit on her pantsuit during Bill Clinton’s second inauguration. Though the list is now in the 100s, it’s important to keep it up to date so if/when Hillary Clinton is elected President Of The United States she can most effectively seek revenge.

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