I’m not calling you a liar, Ryan. Let’s just get that off the table. I’m just trying to understand what happened that night.

Frankly, I think you can see my position, that it just seems a wee bit suspicious that you were in a taxi cab, on what you yourself refer to in your testimony as a “street,” with no pools or bodies of water in sight. Yet both you and your teammates claim you “swam to safety.”

You get that that’s odd, right? You see that? The blank look you’re giving me suggests that you do not.

Okay, let’s try this again: the masked man, or men, pointed their firearms at you. Granted, this would be terrifying for anyone; I fully understand if your recollection is hazy.


But at what point did you “dive into the pool with perfect form” and swim a “world record 200 meter butterfly” away from the alleged assailants?

And another thing: the reason you give for swimming the notoriously exhausting stroke of butterfly, rather than the faster and less tiring freestyle, was that it “looked dope for all the ladies who were watching.”

Who were these ladies? How many of them were there? Did any of them offer to help? Because you later claim they were “mesmerized by your shredded back muscles.”

Ah you know what? I’ve seen your back muscles. And they are mesmerizing. You’re free to go.

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