It’s boiling hot in Hollywood and we’ve got the bubbly skin to prove it. Come and get your balls sewn up with this hot goss.

Watch out for that tree, monkey-man, you’re swinging your way right into the barrel jump, and everyone can see your red butt. It’s gonna be a real eggy Challah loaf, and if you’re not careful, you’ll get braided, baked, chewed and pooped…that is, unless you go stale, Mariachi. So get ready to get licked, you sticky little forever stamp, cuz we’re gonna use you until we run out of you, Devin, but you like that don’t you, sweat socks? Don’t go under, cuz we’ll be flopping around our swim trunks for you again next week.


intouchLooks like Andrew’s not doing too well, gang – he’s still looking for that special someone to help him out of his sopping wet, three year-old spider skin sack – are you that somebody? Hmmm, maybe you’re just running your little 12 year-old pinky up and down the smooth metal buttox of a tiny naked statue? Oh, you’re not? Well Quvenzhané might be. We’ll check with our spies and get back to you, enchiladas.


starLooks like the Guraalz are up to their old tricks: flaking chunks and seeping hot black tar in a way that makes us wonder – is there any hope for us non-flakey-seepers?? Maybe we should head over to Sally and Magg’s place for breakfast – word is they’ve got a whole new regimen oriented around whatever falls off Sally’s neck and it’s spicing up their barrel-life. Only in Hollywoaah, jingles.


usWell, well, well….if you’re a hole, you’re in luck. Whispers say that Hugh’s dribbles are spilling out the top of his old holes and he’s gonna need a whole lot more. Any idea where he might find some? Oh, I’m sure you don’t, Le Queen. But what if I told you we had a whole plate of round little Duggars, ready to pop and spray Dug all over the place? Would that hold your interest…or would you prefer a Panetierre? Whatever your answer, better let Kortné and Lamar know. They’re organizing their decision making process around you. Or are they? They are.


A bird box full of bird’s dirt, ehh? That seems like something you’d want to keep secret if you were the owner of that bird box. Not sure what a bird box is? I bet Drew knows a thing or four about it. At least she’s not a grain person: a person whose physical makeup is entirely composed of random handfuls of different grains, wet and dry. Mila and Ashton have been stuffing Mila’s grain body for years, sewing up the leaks, buying new grain…but we didn’t exactly tell you that. Steve isn’t getting anywhere in analysis.


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