Yesterday during a press conference about gun control during which he spoke about the 2012 deaths of children in Newton, CT, President Obama became emotional and cried what he’d have us believe are real, American tears.

Okay, fine. If those really were tears – tears that are from this country – then let’s see some documentation. Those tears should be able to produce original, long form birth certificates that prove they have the legal status to run down our President’s cheek. Otherwise, I really don’t see how we can stop shooting kids.


How hard is it to fold this up and FedEx it to me?

Maybe it’s not clear to you how those two ideas are related. I mean, why should the authenticity of President Obama’s emotional display affect whether or not we enact the lifesaving policies he’s outlined? I’ll tell you why.

And another thing, if those “tears” can’t produce the paper documentation that every tear gets upon squeezing its way out of a tear duct within 24 hours, that is when we need to build a wall around Islam. Which, obviously, will include Obama’s tears because they are Muslim tears. But wait…Muslims can’t make human tears…but they can probably be tears…but can they be tears that come out of an Obama Muslim’s eyes….This is the kind of logic these types want you to get all mixed up in.

How do we know these tears didn’t do Bengazi? Do we even know that what happened at Bengazi wasn’t tear-related? Okay, so show me the proof, professor. Don’t you think if Bengazi wasn’t a tear-job, there would be a document that specifically says that??

Hmmmm, what color were those “tears” that were hop-scotching all over Obama’s face?? We can’t know because the cameras didn’t do a zoom-in-close-up-Enhance on the tears but it wouldn’t surprise me if they were brown like a Syrian. So now tell me to stop chewing paint chips.

Look, I’ll believe it when I see it. But until I see it, I’ll have my doubts. About what? What are my doubts about? I forgot right now.

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