No one wants to be that tacky family who still has their puppy out two weeks after National Puppy Day, so here are some tips on how to efficiently get those baby dogs out of your house and into the garbage:
STEP 1: Remove all ornaments like collars, bandanas, and little sweaters
Just because the puppy is used up, doesn’t mean the accessories should go to waste. Store any puppy accessories and save them for next year’s puppy.
STEP 2: Put your puppy in a garbage bag, creating an airtight seal
With gloves on, tie off the top of the bag and use the tape to seal any holes to avoid leakage.
STEP 3: Give your cat a big kiss. Never throw him out.
STEP 4: If your puppy doesn’t fit in your trash bag, break it up into pieces.
While most puppies are small, some bigger varieties (Hounds, Great Danes, Mastiffs) are difficult to fit into smaller trash bags. If it’s extra unwieldy, cut off its base to make sure it fits through the door. This is also known as “Robert Durst-ing” your puppy.
STEP 5: Set the bag outside and mark it for pickup at the curb
We suggest using a clear garbage bag so sanitation workers can easily identify you’re disposing of your now useless puppy. If you only have black Hefty bags, make sure to label the waste: “WARNING: DEAD (?) PUPPY INSIDE.”
STEP 6: After the puppy is gone, sweep up all the loose puppy needles.
Christmas trees leave pine needles, puppies leave puppy needles. Some people call it fur, we call it puppy needles.
Simple as that! And, a few Don’ts:
DON’T burn the puppies
Many people’s first instincts are to burn your used puppies, either in the backyard or by throwing them into the family fireplace. This is not recommended by the Fire Department and is likely to start a house fire.
DON’T mix the puppies in with the recycling
These puppies will never be used again so avoid mixing them into the blue bins. The recycling plants do NOT love having to separate the paper from the glass from the dead puppies.
DON’T mulch your puppy
This will result in a bigger mess than anticipated.