Well, it’s almost here: the end of Summer’s life. She’s been sick for a while and has made it really clear that she wants to pass peacefully without medical interference. But has Summer even considered how her passing will make YOU feel? Probably not. Here’s how you step in and prolong her life, even when she’s made it clear that’s the last thing she wants.
1. Go to court: Depending on what state you live in, a judge will totally override Summer’s wishes and let doctors keep her alive well past the point of natural, fair and good.
2. Pose as a doctor and keep reviving Summer: Invest in some scrubs and watch a bunch of early Grey’s Anatomy. Then sneak into Summer’s hospital room and keep plugging stuff back in!
3. Raise money: Pretend like you thought Summer had a DNR because she was afraid it would cost too much to keep her alive. Create an IndieGoGo campaign to keep her alive, then be like, “Well we can’t just give the money back!” All her doctors and judges will be like, “You’re right, keep her alive.”
4. Cure her thing: Whatever the thing is that’s killing Summer, cure it. That’s a big loophole in most DNR’s: if you cure their thing they get to stay alive. So cure the thing.
5. Say a prayer to the *right* God: Nowadays there are so many Gods to choose from, it can be really hard to know which one is going to make your prayers come true. Pray to the wrong God and he will kill Summer. Pray to the right one and he’ll bring Summer back stronger than ever before. So this is a risky option but go ahead and try.
Whichever path you choose, remember: it doesn’t matter that you only know Summer through viral Facebook posts about her sickness. You want to save her and have a RIGHT to save her. So get to it and good luck!
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