Woah, I just heard some crazy news out of North Korea! Apparently their entire internet only has 28 websites, whaaaat?!? But that’s not even the weirdest part— out of all the porn spread across those 28 sites, they only have 16 different categories. It’s inhumane! Here in America, land of the free, we’re used to 30 categories at the very least.

Sure, they have some basics covered: missionary, closed-mouth kissing, caressing a poster of Kim Jong Un, etc. But none of the good stuff, the real meat and potatoes of online pornography. Here are just a few of the glaring omissions from North Korea’s porn selection:

-Stepmom/ Stepson porn that looks like it was filmed in your childhood bedroom, but not your actual childhood bedroom, more like a dream version of it, and also Marc Summers is watching through the window eating licorice.

-Lesbian interracial mermaid porn filmed in an olympic swimming pool at night during an eclipse.


-Hentai set in Victorian England and Billy Joel is playing and there are live-action dogs pooping in the background.

-Schoolgirl porn where the girl actually is very good in school and graduates valedictorian and goes to Harvard and becomes a neurosurgeon and develops a breakthrough procedure to cure brain cancer but she’s a huge slut, and it’s in virtual reality.

For real though, I just feel so bad for everyone in North Korea. I don’t know how anyone’s been able to get off over there!

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