I had been seriously looking forward to dropping acid. I cleared out 48 hours in my schedule this past Saturday, purchased drugs from my older brother’s roommate, and prepared to let my mind surf the waves of the unknown. I placed the piece of paper on my tongue. Sayonara, reality! Within the first few minutes, a single wall in my apartment started melting. “Now THIS is a trip!” I thought.

And then that was it.

And when I say “that was it,” I mean… that was it. Just one melting wall, for 12 hours. Everything else was completely the same. I was so sober I could talk to cops. I even called my dad while the wall just kept melting. I didn’t tell my dad about the wall, because I was sober enough to know it was a hallucination.

I WISH other stuff had melted. I would have killed for a melting face. Anyone’s face. A demon face. And here’s a little thing no one tells you about melting: it’s boring. It’s just a slow version of a water fountain. You can’t touch it, either, because it’s hot (that’s why it’s melting). Also, this was a wall. A flat wall.

Here’s a breakdown of my day:

10:00am: Dropped acid.

10:02am: Wall started melting.

10:03am: Waited for something else to happen besides this one wall melting.

1:26pm: Got hungry, went to this good Indian place.

1:40pm: Came back, wall was still melting.

2:54pm: Did my taxes.

4:15pm: Took more acid.


7:38pm: Thought melting wall had changed color. Had not changed color, I was mistaken.

7:46pm: Tried talking to wall. Would not talk back, only melted.

8:11pm: Called my dad.

9:04pm: Went to bed.

Then I woke up and the wall was normal again. I would have preferred a bad trip over this dumb wall. If I wanted to see a wall melt for 11 hours I would have bought a bunch of candles, glued them one-by-one to a wall, and lit them. I mean, hell! Where were the heightened senses of sight and sound? Where was my ego, floating above me? Where were the conversations with my bathroom floor tiles?? Dumb wall, get out of here.

So thanks a lot, drugs. I dropped acid and all I got was this stupid melting wall.

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