It’s your girl, Alexhamdra! I did a thing for a month and I’m gonna BLOG about it. What did I do THIS month? Well, this month I only boned my boyfriend using tips from Cosmo. How did it go? Well, let’s just say that after my little experiment, Scramiel (like Daniel but ‘Scram’ instead of “Dan”) was chafed, tired, and not my boyfriend anymore!
I did that thing where I give him a BJ with an ice cube in my mouth. Cosmo recommends this just about every month so I figured I’d start here. Between my gagging and him saying, “Come on, let’s not do this,” I’d say NO ONE had fun — just like sex is supposed to be! A very difficult performance with little to no connection between two people. 10/10!
We boned on a rolling chair in his office, to spice things up. You know, like Cosmo always says. He said, “I’m not in awesome shape, could we maybe try this a more comfortable way?” I explained to him that the experts at Cosmopolitan magazine said actually he DOES like this kind of sex. Then I fell off, and we went and got pizza. 9/10
I showed up at his apartment wearing nothing but a trench coat. He wasn’t home. 6/10
He sat me down, and we had a long talk. He said he appreciated that I wanted sex to be fun and enjoyable but that simple spontaneity, connection, and intimacy were actually more satisfying for him than what felt like sexual parlor tricks. I was like, “No, you’re wrong. The things I am doing are correct and what you should like.” We broke up that night. 10/10 — so excited to be single!
So I didn’t make it through the full month AGAIN but, hey! I learned a lot and now have a $3,500 Burberry sex trench coat. Not too bad!