As I sat down to watch the debate alone last night, I thought I would liven up the festivities by playing a fun drinking game. Since I was by myself, I decided to keep the rules simple: one shot every time Hillary Clinton blinks on screen. And now I am embarrassed to say I’m totally dead.
Started off with a classy cocktail
It started off okay. But within two minutes, I knew I had made a grave mistake. Hillary was blinking with an unprecedented frequency that I never could have anticipated. I’m talking like 40bmp (blinks per minute).
Things were starting to get real
Before long, I was chugging tequila straight out of the bottle. By 9:30, I was already 4 bottles in.
Why did I have so much tequila lying around my house, you ask? To that I say, why are you being so judgmental of a dead person?
If Hillary kept a-blinkin’, I kept a-drinkin’
Why didn’t I stop the game when I knew it was so unreasonable, you ask? Because I never back down from a challenge. Some say it’s my greatest strength.
Here’s the question you should be asking: why are Hillary’s eyes so dry???
Anyway, by the time the debate was over, my body was over 90% tequila, and it turns out that’s somewhat of a health hazard. But at least now that I’m dead, I don’t have to live to see a Trump presidency. So, joke’s on you, motherfuckers.