Gobble gobble! Here comes Thanksgiving, a time for family, food, crafts, and wishing that I hadn’t accidentally severed my thumb while showing my Chronicles of Riddick replica knives to a girl I like. Now I ain’t got no left thumb at all, and while I am thankful that I was already right handed, nothing bums me out around the holidays like being reminded that I can no longer draw a hand turkey. Look:


Hoo boy.

See? It’s real bad. It doesn’t even look like a turkey, it looks like if a chicken joined a punk band. Without a thumb I just can’t give my hand turkeys a proper neck or a head. And before you tell me to just draw the neck in after the fact, you should understand that I’m pretty bad at drawing. That’s why I have to trace my hand in the first place. If I could draw a turkey without tracing I would, but I can’t. I miss my thumb!

Even if I stretch my fingers wider apart in order to make one of those the turkey’s head, it just doesn’t look right.


I am almost embarrassed to show you.

In trying to keep the Thanksgiving spirit, I guess I am thankful that I ONLY lost a thumb and didn’t puncture an artery or something when I had my knife accident. Also I am thankful to own such sick replica knives. They are an perfect recreation of the black blades that Riddick (Vin Diesel) has in the movie, and they friggin’ rule. Check it:


Hell yea, so nasty. (source: trueswords.com)

Still, every November when I sit down to draw traditional hand turkeys, I am reminded how no longer having a thumb on my non-dominant hand is a giant bummer that has disrupted my life. The cruelest irony is that without a thumb on my left hand, I can’t trace my hand that DOES the thumb without it looking like shit, so I either have to make fist turkeys:


I’m sorry.

or palm turkeys, but palm turkeys are a last resort and only drawn if I am in a rush and don’t have time to color. The last time I showed a girl that I like one of my palm turkeys she said I was “very creative”, which we all know means that your art isn’t very good.


Please don’t make fun of me.

Sometimes I think about giving up art altogether, the way I almost gave up on knife tricks after my accident. Then I remember the last Thanksgiving I spent with my dad, right before he abandoned my mom and my brothers and I to move to Florida. He told me “don’t quit, you can’t just go quitting things.” So I keep going.

Thumb or no thumb, I am thankful for my dad’s advice, and my own tenacity and talent when it comes to both art and knife tri-



Get Laughs in Your Inbox From Above Average!
We PROMISE to only send you funny stuff.