Love him or hate him, Donald Trump is the presumptive nominee for the Republican Party and he plans to “Make America Great Again.” But does his platform really reflect that? For example, the cornerstone of Trump’s campaign is that he plans to build a looming 55 foot concrete wall along the border between Mexico and the United States.
But America never actually had a 55 foot concrete wall along its Mexican border, so building one would not “Make America Great Again” at all. Which begs the question: what great thing has the United States championed in the past that the public is desperate to see return? The answer, of course, is Nestea Cool.
If Donald Trump really wants to make a difference this election cycle, he needs to bring back Nestea Cool. For those of you who do not remember the phenomenon that was Nestea Cool (likely having blocked it out of your memory so that your Brisk Iced Tea isn’t too salty from the single tear rolling down your cheek as you drink it), I’ll explain. Nestea Cool was a more sugary variation of the iced tea drink made by Nestea in the late 1990’s and early 2000’s. They also featured a cool snowman with a green aviator hat who would melt down to his bones after spending too much time in the heat or after seeing a group of scantily clad women (occasionally from promotions of the movie Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle) and would then need to drink Nestea Cool in order to “grow” back his outer snow and return to form.
Donald Trump has already taken a major blow to his campaign due to the fact that Crispy M&M’s were brought back before he started running for president — not to mention that you can also buy Oreo O’s cereal online from South Korea. Now that he is very likely to face off against Hillary Clinton one on one in the general election, bringing back something like Nestea Cool would really solidify him as the candidate who wants to make America the worldwide powerhouse that it was once.
If Donald Trump really wants to “Make America Great Again,” he needs to embrace our nation’s truest symbol: the Nestea Cool Snowman. Because right now, our country is like the overheated grey bones of the Nestea Cool Snowman after seeing an advertisement for Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle… and what we need is a little Nestea Cool to make us the full snowmen we once were.