There are lots of great reasons to volunteer to make calls on behalf of your chosen presidential candidate: getting out the vote, understanding your fellow citizens, and making a difference in your country. But, to be clear: I’m just doing it to make friends.

Here’s a few reasons phone banking is the best way to meet new buds. If you say you’re from a major political party, people don’t hang up on you immediately (which is what would happen when I just called random numbers in the phone book). You get to know people very fast, whether their concerns are health care, gun control, or the economy. Then you can pretend you care about those things too and they’ll like you more. This works every time. Also, you can pretend like you’re really busy and need to call someone else and that makes your new friends jealous, which makes them better friends. (If they go out and vote, you know they’re now under your influence and they are your friends now.)

Drawbacks? All of these new friends live in Nevada, Ohio, or Florida and I live in an abandoned Carvel in Wayne, New Jersey. So, it’s hard to connect with these friends in person, but that’s fewer excuses I have to make about why I can’t host game night at my house (no one can know about the abandoned Carvel).

So go to your candidate’s website, volunteer for phone banking and make some friends for the first time in your life.

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