A lot of colorblind football fans really struggled with last night’s Jets/Bills game. Both teams were wearing their Nike ‘Color Rush’ uniforms (solid green for the Jets and solid red for the Bills). Apparently in the NFL one team normally wears a color and another wears white? So these uniforms made it super hard for red/green colorblind people to distinguish between the two teams. Fans were real butt hurt and tweeting about it:
According to a color blindness simulator, this is what the Bills/Jets game looks like if you’re colorblind. Yikes. pic.twitter.com/Yu3NpSlHmo
— Joon Lee (@iamjoonlee) November 13, 2015
— Lawrence Tynes (@lt4kicks) November 13, 2015
Well, everyone can stop freaking out. I see color perfectly and I still didn’t understand last night’s game!
It started with a bunch of really large men in tight Christmas PJs brutally pushing and shoving and occasionally throwing a ball. That happened for about two hours. Every 3 minutes there were car commercials, jeans commercials and I think there was one for The Voice? Anyway, it was a lot of pushing from the men in unitards.
Here’s the thing: Sometimes the pushing was ok and sometimes the pushing was not ok. When it was not ok a Foot Locker salesman would throw a napkin at everyone and be like “Excuse me, that pushing was NOT ok” and I was like “No wonder there’s so much domestic violence in the NFL, they need those napkin men to tell them what brutality is ok and what’s not!”
Then after about 2 hours of the pushing, a red person threw the ball to another red person and that second red person kind of dropped it. That seemed to matter a lot and my boyfriend kept saying “Oh, man!” Then he called his brother and was like “Blah blah blah fumbled deep in Bills territory blah blah Am I on speaker? Just call me when you get home.”
Finally the red people kicked the ball through the peace sign poles at the end of the field and I guess that meant things were over. The game ended and the green people seemed sad/mad so I guess they lost. Sorry, green people!
My boyfriend was happy even though I thought he was a green people fan and I was like, “Dirk, since when do you even like football?” And he was like, “Well I have the Bills something-back on my fantasy team and he had a great game.” And I was like, “Uh ok, I’m gonna go lay down and read Game of Thrones. In the books, Jon Snow is a warg!”
And then we fought a little because he considered that to be a spoiler and I maintain it’s not a plot point just a character detail. Also, of course Jon Snow’s a warg, Bran is a warg and that shit is always genetic.
So yeah that was the game from the perspective of someone who can see color – still deeply confusing! I should maybe note, my knowledge of football begins and ends in Dillon, Texas. If Eric Taylor isn’t the coach, I truly do not care. Football is a brutalizing, straight-up boring fabrication of American advertising. It’s something to show in between commercials for Dodge Wranglers and Kohl’s. But, sure, being colorblind was why last night’s game sucked.
Jackie is a writer/actor based in NYC. She performs on Harold Night at the UCB and with her sketch team DR DJ. You can follow her on Twitter @ohhijackie.