Alcohol isn’t really my thing anymore. I mean, I’m 40. I’m not throwing back shots at the bar until 3 in the morning these days. But even though I’ve slowed down, I’ll admit that after a long day there’s nothing like a smooth, relaxing glass of vintage Four Loko at dinnertime.

Some of my friends who don’t have kids still go gallivanting around the city getting wasted, but that’s just not for me. I’ve really grown out of that lifestyle. Their average night consists of eating street food and drinking at the bar. My average night consists of enjoying a homemade rotisserie chicken I made for the kiddos while sipping my glowing combination of caffeine, taurine, guarana, wormwood, and alcohol that I bought at a 7/11 in 2007. So for me, it’s nothing but mature, adult drinking.

Perhaps one day I’ll attend a Loko tasting in Napa, who knows? It’s a relaxing treat, sure, but I also just love the taste. There’s nothing like an aged sour apple-flavored Four Loko premium malt beverage. From the alcoholic fruit gushers scent to the colorful camouflage pattern on the can, it just screams “class.” In fact, sometimes I’ll even get a Gold-flavored Four Loko. The flavor is just called “GOLD.” I don’t know exactly what I’m drinking, but I’ll be darned if it doesn’t make me feel fancy!

four loko

My partying days are long past, but my casual Four Loko-sipping days are far from over! Now if I can just get the kids down, maybe I can sneak in another glass of LOKO PEACH while I watch Downton Abbey. I’m so bad! ;-)

“Ben Marshall is a hot-dog-in-the-ball-park kind of guy, in the sense that he loves long strings of hyphenated words. Follow him on twitter @notbenmarshall.”

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