With space travel becoming easier and more cost-efficient every year, scientists now say that lunar colonies are no longer a trope of science fiction. In fact, we may just establish a colony on the in Moon in the not-too-distant future.

If that’s the case, I think I’ll get a head start on adapting to our new habitat by carpeting my home in cheeses—just like the Moon’s surface!

The Moon is an amazing place—no atmosphere, lessened gravity, and composed entirely of cheese. Gruyere, Grana Padano, Roquefort, even Mimolette in some regions—all of which I’ll have to get accustomed to before I move there in a decade or so.

Mimolette/moonrock.

The biggest problem with my cheese carpet project so far has been keeping my home cold enough to where the cheese I lay down doesn’t get too stinky, which sometimes happens with cheese. Since my room has the air conditioning, I’ll put a softer cheese there—perhaps a light cheddar—and keep the harder, funkier stuff for the living room and the kitchen. And, obviously, keep the Swiss in the bathroom.

I also realized how much of a bummer it is to have a French Raclette office floor and not be able to snack on it when I’m up late reading about whether or not the man in the Moon is someone I should be concerned about. It’s such a nuanced flavor, and it pairs really well with the stash of grapes I keep in my hoodie pocket. But that’s part of living on the Moon I guess! What am I gonna do, eat my whole new planet? I don’t think so.

Anyway, I’m almost done with the new floors, and I’m so excited to invite my friends and family over to pretend like we’re on the Moon together. Astronomy is delicious!

Get Laughs in Your Inbox From Above Average!
We PROMISE to only send you funny stuff.