I attended a birthday party for my gluten-free friend Jenny last week, and I was reminded just how many decadent, genuinely good gluten-free snacks there are in the world: meringue cookies, fudge brownies, plantain chips with salsa, seltzer. There are more probably.

In fact, I was so inspired by the event that I decided I would bravely stand in solidarity with the Gluten-Free People and eat shitty, terrible pasta for an entire day.

“Mmm, looks…like a pasta shape…”

[I made it through about four bites and then just starved myself for the rest of the day. Noble.]

Now, I know what you’re thinking: why not just smother the whole thing in tomato sauce and mozzarella cheese? You could eat a Brillo pad if you pour enough sauce and cheese on there!

You’ve clearly never tried gluten-free pasta.

Scientists, I’m going to need you to stop working on space exploration. Stop trying to discover the chemical composition of some nebula billions of light years away, and start working on a workable gluten-free ravioli dough. Not next week, not tomorrow, right damn now.

The GF have suffered for too long. I walked a mile in their sustainable TOMS shoes, and it was disgusting. They deserve better.

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